Thursday, October 8, 2026

-Enjoy Your Stay-

~Enjoy Your Stay~


Rising panic
On all fours

Thoughts scream:

"Pull away
Dont let it happen"

Not even a twitch
Flesh stays

Pressure 
Tingling hollowness
Rippling through spine

Burying into me
Hands on hips

You can handle it...
Right

Eyes closed 
Cheeks white
Within me
Short words
Repeat and repeat 
Again and again

No exits
No painkillers
Only skittering nerves
Here
Inside of nowhere 

No sight 
Only words
Volume up

No outside 
Save for this invasion

Words
Push away

Words

Same words
Again and again
Failing words

Swelling tide 
Indifferent force
Flooding over

Reined and docile

No here to there
Only here
Then there

Body limp
Cheeks hollow

Pushing yourself off me
Then, faucet static

Muffled mutterings of conversation
Somewhere else
Some other room
Some other place

World so quiet

Mind raw
Get away

Can't move

Stitching sense
All inside

Lids lift
Beige walls

Was there
So why so little?

[Redacted]

Can't remember 

Only flinching
Only startled
Only guarding

All these missing things


Wednesday, October 7, 2026

-Mattress Waltzing-

~Mattress Waltzing~


Pressed against the bed
Face down
Muscles fail 
Pain over pleasure
Language flittering dim in the storm
Not even a flame

Noises flailing 
Failed speech
Looking back
Pain surges
Presence ebbs

Fingers dig at hips
Invisible unknown edge 
Off we go
Now mind like body
Pliant beneath each thrust

How still the world
Calm now
Body slackens
"Good girl"
Your knowing words

Numb
Distant
Faint but clinging 
Love me

Groan and thrust and hold
Fingers squeeze deep
Body just is

Mattress rises
Weight recedes
Fingers grasp 
Head turns
Body stays

Virgin no more

Besotted bliss
Aching anesthetic pride
Made you happy
Useful me

Yearning and confusion

Now
Angry words
Door slams

Alone
Needing
Come back...

Please

Curling in
Convulsing breaths
Wet cheeks
Hands find face

....

Absence 

...

Psyche bleeds
Sun drags
Night settles


-Gripping Blue-



-Gripping Blue-

I saw a ship along the coast 
Long since skeletal
Her belly impaled on the blades of rock that surely killed her
The frozen violence of her death lay bare before me

To see her was to be assaulted by the scene of her
Possessed by her fate
A cacophonous onslaught of image and sense
Vivid and imposing 
In mind or eye, there she was 
Still dying

And yet, here she lay 
The story complete
A grave in low tide 
How haunting she must be in the light of the moon, barely visible beneath the placid dark on a mild night

Her corpse
The illusion of permanence 
Imperceptably decaying day after day
I wondered as to her story and the lives she bore

She must have completed many a voyage
Weathered storms untold
Crossed treacherous waters
Sheltered in disparate ports
And welcomed the lives of her charges in the refuge of her body
Had she thought herself sturdy or swift?

How heartbreaking the truth must have seemed in the waning hours of her bloodless death 

Did any else die, or was she lonely in the last moments of her watery paralysis?

I felt I could see her there on whatever fateful day it was when she went off course
Helpless in the grip of a hungry sea

Skittering crew 
Panicked and frantic
Had they run to deck in the dead of night?
Bare in their briefs
Hoping for better
Only for terror to swallow them whole
There atop the body of a failing vessel
How cold their choices must be
Tides are strong
Rocks are sharp and many
Beneath foaming force and against pitiless rock, where do you go? 
On ship or in the maw of blue and white are you free?

Or...

Perhaps it had not ended so dire for the lives aboard
Perhaps they had gone on
Had it scarred them, if they had? 
A wound on the story of their lives
Was the desecration of her seaworthy form lodged in their hearts?
Whatever their fate hers was clear as the liquid glass that was her tomb

Pulled or pushed or blown
Tossed and battered and punctured
Flooded and invaded 
How wrenching the failure of her frail body must have been

It did not matter the design of her build 
Nor the cleverness of her captain
Whatever glory had been hers rendered mute by the passions of a petulant and treacherous shoal

Time goes on, but still she remains in the sea of my mind
Desperate & adrift among tempestuous waters 
Going again and again to our ruin
...

She never left, nor did I

 

Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Home


Misspelled Cosmos and seaman,  I was drunk, alone, and emotional when I wrote it. The picture is of my last night sleeping in a house I lived in for close to 9 years. Those were the only things really left in the house.

Friday, April 5, 2024

Ceaseless

What was

Isn't

What is

Won't be

What will be won't be

Inch by inch
Day by day
In every way
Change and change and change again

Here we are in quantum death
Never dead and always dying
Always a different river always a different man
This the way of deathless dying

But what could be might be
And what might be
Very may will be
But all remains
And all is lost again and again

This the only true permanence the paradoxical nonsense of solidity

Monday, January 29, 2024

Nothing Resolves

~ nothing resolves ~

Paycheck's gone
Sleep paralysis
Days spent like puppets on strings
No anesthetic but dont scream
Scalpels and needles and stitches 
Irritation agitation 
Scrape scrape scrape
Hard to rest in bumpy rides, no cushions
Jostled and slid, bruised and tired
Time to work

Sunday, September 10, 2023

The Maw

~The Maw~

Egg to husk
Always enveloped in the quantum death which is the fabric of time and the universe
Existence the festering scab on the naked skin of a perpetual nothing
Yearning restless stirrings of a soul forever quiet in the abyss

Memories 
Like unclosed surgery wounds
Oozing pus filled agitations between the fragmented organs of a fraying self

Decay masked by a jumbled coherence of meat and sinew, flesh and garment and shambling shuffling utterances
Routines and schedules the repetitive normalcies to a world of others

But always straying
Always dreaming 
Always yearning

Pushing, straining in spite of the empty sun
Dramas played out under the hollow burning pyre of a warmthless sky
That indifferent yellow king 'bove all the infestations of the earth

Connection 
Brief and hopeless 
A ceaseless returning hunger clawing at the barriers of flesh which entomb a delusional phantasm

One day that sinking ship, that hemorrhaging leaky vessel and its ephemeral passenger shall go to those strange dark depths 
A place of such utter blackness that light has never dared to touch
Down down far below
Dissolved, consumed by our lady the void, mother to all, from which all these scittering abberations arose frantic and frightful clawing for meaning against the contradictions of their being
This, the last promise of peace 
Stillness, silence