A Canticle for Birth: Part X

Part X: Family

So many questions. I'm no doctor, but I know men don't get pregnant…

Except I am. 

Bridge, Pregnancy, Ouroboros. 

What does this mean? 

I want to be alone. Earth Child makes to follow me, but Sky Mother stops him.  

At the hot spring.

I take my time stripping down. I don't look any different. I suppose I'm not far enough along, but I know it's there, inside me growing.

I ease in, the hot water feels good.

I rub my lower abdomen where it must surely be located.

Thoughts sprawl across possibilities like ink in water swirling in all directions at once. Seldom a comfort in those swirls. Nauseous and petrified.

It's not human. It can't be, not entirely.

But its mine. My child, my baby, and I will take care of it as my own.

If hallowed laws in hallowed lands beseech me a child, a child I shall have.

***

Morning sickness is worse than the worst hangover. Also why is it called morning sickness? As far as I can tell its certainly not restricting itself to only ruining my mornings.

I feel terrible. I yelled at Earth Child. Sky Mother was understanding, but I still felt guilty. I'll make it up to him tomorrow. There's a stick that would make a nice wand, I can teach him.

I found a TV in the library, I wonder whether Earth Child and Sky Mother have ever seen one. Only two channels, national geographic and something in a foreign language, its nice for background noise and zoning out. I could definitely use some zoning out.

***

I'm not getting sick as often.

I've been tracking the passage of time. 3 months.

The neckball plant grows into a patch of vines that begin to encircle my body. With clothes on you can't tell, but I can see it when I bathe just a small bump barely noticeable. The archive becomes my home, theres a bedroom all the clothing in the closet is loose and flowing stuff better than the dirty rags I was wearing. Suitable for pregnancy as well, no happenstance this I think.

Weaving magic here is difficult. The laws are not familiar. I'm good at what I do, but even I am struggling here. I crafted some spells but their effects were quite weak.

I climb to the place in the wall with the sigils every so often. I look for knowledge in the books. I'm thinking of how to leave less and less.

I am concerned with how I am supposed to give birth, I do not have the proper equipment to give birth. Then again I didn't think I was equipped to get pregnant either. Hopefully there are ways besides surgical removal. Laws only know how such and surgery would go with only Sky Mother, Earth Child, and myself.

Books on pregnancy, books on babies, religious books. Anything and everything to help me understand what I should expect, have there been any cases like me? None in the archives I can find. Research on achieving what I came here to achieve is now secondary. I want to be a good parent, odd circumstances or not I love my baby. It fills me with joy to know someone is with me. I am their world, they depend on me and I do not want to let them down. 

Besides I like it here.

I taught Earth Child how to fish a few days ago.

Sky Mother is teaching me how to sew, and not just rough patchwork as I know but nifty tricks and minor tailoring. She made a onesie for the baby. Blue and white.

I sense hidden wisdom in each lesson, much like my own mother in some ways is she.

A family.

Sky Mother, Earth Child, and Oez. 

It feels nice.

***

I don't climb up to the wall anymore. I don't want to risk falling and losing the baby. 

I've begun to show, my belly is round the vines around my body have blossomed into flowers.

It's a boy. 

No way to be certain, but a mother knows. (I did wonder whether I should call myself a father, I'm a male afterall, but it just doesn't sound right.)

I sing lullabies. The baby kicks every so often. Each movement inside a magic more impressive than any spell. 

We sit in the holy structure. Doing laundry. I stand to start hanging things to dry. 

"If it's a girl I'll name her Ves I think she'd like that." 

Fhooo! 

A cheerful billow of steam from sky mother. Despite the lack of speech she can be quite the conversationalist. 

Glowing isn't that what pregnant women are supposed to do? They glow, thats what they call it right? When a pregnant woman is happy she's radiant and glowing?

Anyway I'm glowing with happiness.

"I'm glad you approve, I wish you could have met Ves. She was so strong and proud. Tough as nails, but she had a good heart. She looked out for me in particular, I never understood why." A tear wells.

Click! click!

She blinks.

"No I'm fine!" I say as I begin to cry. "Its just the hormones, I'm so moody lately."

She leans her camera head against me. I smile and wipe away the tears.

"Anyway it doesn't matter, I know it's not a girl, I just know. But I don't know what name I want if its a boy. I thought about Pollux but it just doesn't feel right."

Fffp fffp fffp chee! 

"Yooop doop doop doop Ooooo!" Earth child is chasing birds they fly away only to land again when he runs to chase other birds. He looks like he's having fun. It'll be a handful with two kids but sky mother is quite capable. She's been doing this mother thing a lot longer than me.

"Sky mother?" She looks at me, "Can I ask you a favor?"

Rrryoook.

An affirmative creak.

"Will you look out for my baby? I mean, if anything were to happen, not that it will… just... Well my mother had to go when I got a little older, I understood. She left me in good hands just... I want to make sure my baby is taken care of no matter what. I think I could be a good mother, but, just in case." 

Man oh man I am moody. 

Her arm the one her camerahead is on pulls/shoves me closer to her. Her version of a hug. I hug one big crablike leg. And then feel him slam into me with his body. Earth child wants in on the hugging action.

"That's right you as well my little rapscallion." I say pulling him into the hug myself.